Crotch Goblins

(yes I stole this term from Alex Mace)

Children annoy me. I have an automatic response to children; and it’s rolling my eyes and inching away. A couple weeks ago, I was on the monorail to Magic Kingdom (yes, I know I should expect kids), but this one little girl, she was probably around 5 or 6, would not stop touching me!!!! We were standing next to each other and she kept swinging around and just being unnecessary, like most children are. Would not stop bumping into me. I don’t know why the glares I was giving her, and her parents weren’t hinting enough at the fact that I was on the verge of screaming bloody murder, but nobody did anything to stop it, her parents didn’t even seem to notice. I wanted to just disappear, I felt like puking, basically kids disgust me.

I attribute most of my hatred towards children to the fact that my mom was a foster parent and for 6 straight years I was the oldest sibling of 5 kids aged between 2 and 6 years old. Constantly exchanging the kids that found forever homes for new kids, I was consistently having to parent these little kids, because my mom was too busy to handle 6 kids as a single parent, whether she wanted to admit it or not. I strongly believe that all that time spent taking care of kids that weren’t even biologically related to me (that sounds really offensive, I loved the kids, and I am so proud of all of the love and care we had poured into each one of them) has just tired me out and I have 0 desire to have and raise kids of my own.

I also recognize that this idea might change and when I am like in my 30s, I may change my mind and decide I want kids. Doubtful, but I need to admit it’s a possibility. I am a very career driven person, and that is what I look forward to when I think about adulthood. Especially now that I have decided on what I want to get my Master’s degree in (Neuroscience). I don’t like the idea of getting into a career path and then suddenly having to take time off to stay at home with an infant, or even the idea of going through childbirth?! Like! WhAT??? Who looks at childbirth and thinks, yeah I can’t wait to do that? Not me, that’s for sure. I am the kind of person who would much rather live my adult life for me. Work on my career, and life satisfaction. If I do decide to have kids when I am MUCH older, I could see myself being the type of person who tells my partner to be a stay at home parent.

My mom was a stay at home parent, and I know that it can be soooo beneficial. I also know that stay at home parenting is NOT for me. Maybe my partner, I don’t know. We can cross that bridge when I get there. One of my biggest apprehensions towards becoming a parent is the fact that I have some anger management issues. Not on a large scale, really. Have you ever heard of someone referring to their emotions as a volcano? That’s me. Everything just bottles up until I snap and I can’t hold back and I don’t apologize when people get stuck in the crossfire. Babies can’t avoid that. I am deeply afraid that I would be the kind of mother to give my baby Shaken Baby Syndrome, or something along those lines.

Basically, in my mind, it’s calming to think and say “No, I don’t want kids.” It alleviates a lot of stress that comes with thinking about kids, for me. And maybe I will change my mind one day, maybe I won’t. But as of today… No crotch goblins for me.